Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
