Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
