so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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