I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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