Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
