i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
