you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
