Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
