someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
