Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
