we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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