i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
