there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
