There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
