is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
