we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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