do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
