after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
