Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i think my cat just said my name.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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