so that wasnt chicken after all
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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