i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
