the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
