put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
