Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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