there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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