I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
