Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
