walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
