She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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