you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
