I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
