What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
