the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
