WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
