New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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