So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
