she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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