then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
