Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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