Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
