Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
