I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
