i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
