I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
