hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
