Define "chronic" masturbator.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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