i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
