Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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