I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
