Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
