I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
