garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
