I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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