when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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